My new sure-fire formula for career development

I work for the most inane, whiney, inarticulate, editor who can barely put two words together, and doesn’t have a clue about agriculture (have you seen her pathetic excuse for a garden), and keeps everyone guessing on her true hair color and on top of that I craft these near-genius and compelling articles that generate millions of dollars for Canadian producers, and they are jammed into this snot-nosed rag of a publication, that epitomizes the definition of hackneyed, yellow tabloid journalism and isn’t even worthy of being at the bottom of my bird cage.

I don’t REALLY believe any of that, but I thought I would go with this new Charlie Sheen winning formula on “how to keep your job and get a pay raise.” I am getting about $380 per issue of Grainews now and I am hoping to push that up another 50 bucks. And if management tries to maintain the high road position of “Lee has been under a lot of stress, and is having a bad day” baloney, I will just crank up the insults even more.

I may have been born at night, but it wasn’t last night, and I can see what has to be done to insure my celebrity status as dean — and dare I say — as KING of agricultural journalism in the galaxy and beyond. It is time I let these bozos know not only what, but where the bear did it in the buckwheat.

You’re my man Charlie! Thank you for opening my eyes and the eyes of those millions of dough-headed, androids who clomp to work or sit on a tractor every day, even with the slightest notion they are happy doing what they are doing for perhaps a little less than the $1.8 million you earn per week for sitting on the couch drinking or bedding some bimbo. Man, that is a caliber of acting you don’t find every day.

I plan to rail on in this column for another few weeks, in hopes of really sticking it to these dopes — ah, hell, I am going for 75 bucks more. Just keep checking my blog for progress reports, and if you don’t mind, Charlie, let me know how things are going for you. And I am sure you will.

Lee Hart is a field editor for the world’s worst farm publication Grainews in Calgary, Contact him at 403-592-1964 or by email at lee@fbcpublishing.com