February 2010 Archives

Did you hear the one about the three old farm writers, who along with their wives, got together to watch the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympics, last Friday? We’re still trying to figure out how they got those whales into the stadium, and all going in the same direction.

You can just imagine the depth of the commentary as these past and present scribes for Country Guide, Canadian Cattleman Magazine, and Grainews, with a combined 313 years of writing experience, got together to watch the opening ceremonies on the host’s new 85 inch, Samsung, High Definition TV set.

Once we figured out which remote actually turns the thing on, we were good to go. And it was a great opening ceremony. Very impressive. Of course at our age anything with bright lights, that is on TV before 10 pm, is entertaining.

Here are a few of the observations:

-       Boy, there sure is a big Indian (Aboriginal Canadian) presence at the opening ceremonies

-       What are those four tall pillars they raised from under the floor? Are they real ice? Are they totem poles? They look like culverts.

-       Where is Andorra? I don’t think I’ve every heard of it.

-       Where is Kyrgyzstan? No wonder the former USSR is in trouble – they made just about every street of the old republic into a new country.

-       Great to see the Canadian Olympic team on parade. Flag bearer, Clara Hughes, seems like a really nice kid.

-       Boy, those native dancers are still dancing. They’ll be tired tomorrow.

-       Wow, Nellie Furtado’s tight blue dress left nothing to the imagination. General consensus it made her butt look big.

-       That was neat to see the images of those whales swimming across the floor of the stadium.

-       They could have left out the segment with the ballet. Does anyone need another drink? Want to see how we can change the size of the picture on this new TV? Which remote do we use?

-       It’s amazing what they can do with lights and a few thousand meters of window sheers.

-       Do 1000 fiddlers really define Canadian culture?

-       Although she short of stuck it to the beef industry, k.d. Lang, was the highlight of the show with her performance. Obviously going vegetarian isn’t the key to weight loss.

-       Governor General Michaëlle Jean is a neat lady. Who is that old guy sitting beside her?

-       Prime Minister Stephen Harper has turned on his robotic arm to wave at the athletes.

-       Who knew that Lloyd Robertson is 76-years-old? I think he covered the first Olympics in 776 B.C.  

-       Speeches were good. Not too much French that was nice. (Not too many anglo-rednecks at this dinner party).

-       Good to see Betty Fox carrying in the flag. And there’s Anne Murray. Is Donald Sutherland really Canadian?  Maybe it should have been Tommy Douglas, but Donald Sutherland…?

-       Barbara Ann Scott doesn’t look any different now than she did when she skated in 1948. (Which we all remember – fortunately NOT).

-       Canadian opera star Measha Brueggergosman, with a three-foot diameter afro hair style, sure has a powerful voice. Does anyone need another drink? Wonder what her hair looks like when she gets up in the morning?

-       Who’s going to light the flame? Don Cherry, Ben Mulroney, what about Steve Fonyo? Poor Steve. He should be allowed to keep his Order of Canada.

-       And Wayne Gretzky gets to light the torch. Guess that was a good choice. Very honorable man who so far hasn’t run into any problems like Tiger Woods. He’s probably the only one who could handle the 10 minute ride in the back of the truck, in the pouring rain, to light the caldron by the waterfront.

-       A good show. Very big production. Well done. A promise from the host that we’ll all be invited back for the next Olympics and he’ll have the remotes figured out by then.

Let the Games begin.

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